Today marks a day of firsts. My explanation? I haven’t any clue. Maybe it’s the fact that I am starting this daily journal today..or the fact that I got back in the gym for the first time in about a month..or the fact that for some reason I feel revitalized today..refreshed…new. Is it that I finally realized it is all out of my hands? That I am in the passenger seat and You are the one in control of the wheel? Whatever it is, I’ll take it. It is quite ironic, though…because while I feel so refreshed and “new”, at the same time I feel like I’ve been here before. Like this is nothing new to me. It’s far too often I catch myself slipping and find that I am not where I am supposed to be. Yet, I am in the exact spot where I am meant to be. Talk about a conundrum. When you try to do it yourself, that’s what happens. Without allowing Him to be in control, you’ll always be coming up short. You’ll never be where you’re truly meant to be. You’ll never do the things you’re truly meant to do or meet the people you’re truly meant to meet. It’s funny that in the midst of all the terrible decisions and wrongdoings..somehow He led me here. Somehow I was worthy of such amazing gifts and amazing people in my life. Somehow he led me to you. How I ended up at this point..am I proud of it? No, not at all.. Am I proud that I’ve made it through the turmoil? Through the pain? Through the nights of drinking and smoking away the depression, trying to drown reality out and live in a fantasy called contentment? Absolutely. I went from physically dying inside..to spiritually dying on a daily basis. I went from zero to 100. Just like that. & here I am…with you. Incredible. Beautiful. Refreshing. A day of firsts.